Happiest Nation in the World?

Happiest people on earth....


recent scientific research (http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/in_depth/7487143.stm) show that Danish people are the happiest among the nations and cultures surveyed. A grand total of 97 countries. Something to be celebrated, since one country must take that place and that possibly is one of the best possible goals a nation can conquer. The benefits are much more than invaluable to the well being of the country, but as well it brings peace and harmony to everyone as to each individual.

The results as well define very clearly what makes them the happiest country. Therefore, figuring out what is missing in the rest of the world to achieve such quality of life is a simple task. The United States achieved the 16th place.

When talking among my friends about this finding, one interesting reaction caught my attention: Danish? They asked. A question that ponders the notion that Danish people have a "tough" possibility of achieving such place in life and the world. What is it, their history? Past? Well, it got nothing to do with that at all.

I will not ponder in what the survey is or their results but my own reflections through several years.

On one side my personal interest prompts into considering happiness, followed by my interested in the well being of others.

When I started examining happiness "seriously" 32 years ago, I delved into any recordings in history about it. It took me to the ancient Greek times (Aristotle's Nicomachean Ethics). There I found entries to eudemonism and Eudaimonia (Socrates' philosophy, and deidity).

eudemonism noun
eu·de·mon·ism [ yoo d m n ìzz m ] or eu·dae·mon·ism [ yoo d m n ìzz m ]
Definition:
morality evaluated according to happiness: an ethical doctrine that characterizes the value of life in terms of happiness.

As I delved deeper into my quest I was left with the notion that such concept was a man made one. In a few words, happiness is something that we never attain, but the basic principle is achieved through a persistent quest to achieve it. The constant seeking process delivers it’s intend, although we don’t really get the luxury of holding onto it. It makes, sense since if we achieve it we may relax and enjoy it , therefore we cease our quest. Quite an interesting revelation. Well, let me explain it through this visual: Health... we all deeply appreciate our health but it is until we lack of it, even if it is a simple pain or disease when we truly and deeply appreciate it. Those times when we can’t achieve or do what we normally do, due to either one. In that precise moment we may experience an "awakening call" that renders the utmost and deepest appreciation for our health. There, we may promise ourselves to continue such appreciation and possibly not doing ever again what produced the disease or pain . Well, you know the rest as well as I do. We forget about it until we get another awaking call. How many calls do we need to stay put? I tend to believe it is easier to get numbed to pain and disease than respecting such deep desire and concern. Particularly with the magic of modern medicine that takes care of the symptomatic effects of our health problems.

Does visual help you to understand it better? I hope so. The very same way, we, "somehow" may forget about the constant and at times tiring pursuance of happiness. Well, that is if we’ve taught about it. Whether by our immediate ancestors, culture or our own. I know more people that don’t know about it, than people that do. In fact, I suspect that if those people have the resources to move to Denmark the happiest country in the world to insure they achieve such precious free gift in life, they would! However, sadly I have to say, they will not succeed.

Happiness is something that only exist in within and although this survey presents the idea that a country holds the Chalice, it is no less than the result of each individual that were surveyed and makes the fabric of such country. So, how did they get there? Well, it is not a simplistic way of getting there, but a succession of attitudes that trigger several events.

Here is another image for you. I was a 9 YO kid, very unhappy, rebellious and I questioned everything and challenged everything. I even questioned the existence of God and to the dismay of my grandmother, a devoted Roman Catholic, I said God! doesn’t exist. If he would, then, everyone would be happy and loving I said. People wouldn’t have any problems nor tragedy would take place. If he is so grand and omnipotent how could he miss some people? Like me? I was a sad kid. Extremely shy, afraid and felt not being equally loved by my parents. In fact, I felt judged. She assured me of her love to a point she told me to be her favorite grandchild among her 30+ grandchildren. I knew that, but I wanted my parents love above all instead of getting their rigidity and judgment. Then, she told me she knew the "deep secrets to the achievement of happiness." Like always, I listened to her very attentively.
Happiness consist in three daily actions. For as long as you do it, you’ll be happy, very happy and you can start at any moment. She said. Then I was eager to hear them. #1, you will do something good for someone or something w/o aspiring recognition or reward. In fact, you must make sure no one knows it was you who did it. #2, you will do something good for someone and will let them know you did. Not aspiring for a reward, etc,. If it is well accepted or recognized, well, if not well too. #3, you will so something good for yourself. If you do these three things everyday, you will be happy.

I started right away and frankly my whole world changed almost instantly. However, I forgot to do it more often than not and I will become unhappy again. I try, as I age, to do those three things as much as I can. Do I become happy? Well, we could say that, but instead I become very satisfied. Therefore, I become happy.

The more dislikes we have, the unhappier we will be. The more likes, the better chances of being happy. Well, it is not possible to like everything and at all times. It is much easier to accept them. If we can’t accept them we can move forward and seek for all those things we can. Maybe we can return to those "unacceptable" things, reconsider them and who knows? We may end up likening them! It has happened to me more times than not.

The worse enemy to happiness always is judgment and closeness. A closed mind will always be unhappy! Why? As simple as "everything that exist constantly changes". It is the law of nature, it is the law of philosophy, it is the law of knowledge. If we remain closed minded, we are opt to the worse possible scenario we can experience in life. Not only we’ll remain unhappy, but we will make everyone else in our way.

I’ve been there, done it, however, I can accept that and changed it as I go. On the other side, I’ve received my good dosage of the contrary. In the last few years of my life I’ve been challenged with rejection, judgment, discrimination, you name it. But, if I truly learned what I preach here, how could I be unhappy huh? Simple! If I am not accepted, well received and allowed the benefit of the doubt makes me feel to be in the wrong place, to be wrong and more importantly... unable to exercise my compassion and generosity.

Don’t worry, I am doing well as today I can exercise true compassion towards to all those that throw in face all their ugliness because I realize they don’t know any better and basically they didn’t have my grandmother.

As a Hispanic first, then as a Transgendered woman I’ve felt the whip of lack of tolerance to diversity. Well, that’s their own business and mine is to grant them compassion and I do it, if I can, something good for them. Of course I would like much better to be among people that don’t make my own business theirs and instead, make an effort to become understanding and enlightened. But get this straight! I am not moving to Denmark! Specially knowing that people here can use someone like myself and feel in harmony, peace and well grounded. It makes me loving, very generous, knowledgeable and wise. I love to share that with all people, particularly with all those who can make a good use of it.

It is not a surprise that Denmark achieved the #1 slot. The study was directed by University of Michigan professor Ronald Inglehart. He says that unlike other studies, which have focused on economic factors, his research has found that financial prosperity is not the only reason for happiness. The Dutch find joy in their tolerance. Gender equality was on the top of the catalyzers to happiness. Prosperity, stability and democratic government allowed it to happen.
Ronald Inglehart, a political scientist at the University of Michigan's Institute for Social Research, the leading instrument to the survey said: "Ultimately, the most important determinant of happiness is the extent to which people have free choice in how to live their lives."
Ingelhart's team said they have surveyed 350,000 people.

Theoretically I am entitled to be a happy person in the USA. However, not true, my lifestyle (Transgender) is unacceptable in 80% of the country. Only 13 states offer some kind of protection for people like myself and not all equal rights that are observed and enforced . My life can be at stake in any moment in the hands of the "wrong" people and it can go unpunished. Rights to housing, employment, health insurance, etc is extremely limited and rejection is possible at any time and anywhere. As you may know, there is an initiative to constitutionally amend the law federally and in CA to ban same sex marriage. Of course I can go on with many, many more excuses not to be happy to the majority of the citizenship but I don’t have the desire to go there. This is one dislike for me, against the too many dislikes to the majority of the Americans.

Nevertheless, I am happy to grant them my generosity and compassion when I can, but I know I could be much happier if I could share the #2 "secret" to happiness with them.

Are you happy?

Stealth I

I've thought so much about the "stealth state" that most post-op sisters adopt once achieving their goal. These thoughts of mine have been ongoing since 2002 when I started corresponding with a local young TS woman. I contacted her due to my interest to meet other gender crossing (XG) people near me. She accepted my interest right away and with time she started expressing her confidence while developing trust in me. We finally met at the end of 2003 as she was moving away to achieve "Stealth" status.

Early 20's pretty young gal, that was very confused and angry about living as a male, when she always felt to be a woman. As we were starting our friendship, she had already achieved some cornerstones, such as coming out to family members and selected friends and had began hormone replacement therapy (HRT). At work, she was the boy as she was born, though as time progressed became quite androgynous and quite passable with her own long hair, arched brows, wonderfully chiseled features and a slender 5'9" frame. Her demeanor within was clearly very feminine as she always exhibited traits similar to any other woman I had known, though carried a strong disregard for male attitudes. She had confided in me that she had never had an intimate relationship with either gender and was unsure about her sexual orientation, though she was open to exploring a relationship with a man.

Shortly before she decided to move, she had a Trachea shave procedure and possibly rhinoplasty (nose reconstruction) but I can't really say since I had only seen one picture of her before the surgical procedures.

For the most part, our exchanges were about her emotional state of mind. Probably 9 out of 10 times she was very unhappy and ready to burst. It was my first real encounter with Gender Dysphoria. I became a sort of "counselor" through our correspondence, I began noticing how she would start looking at her situation from other angles after my long mail messages. Therefore, her views would slowly shift to entertaining herself looking at her internal process, rather than the events that would take place around her. There were times however she would be very upset because she did not like my way of looking and presenting things. Note: I was not her counselor, but it felt like if I was. Our exchanges were of one that occurs between two adults, one much older than the other and at times my personal opinion would be a part of the deal.

Toward the end of our correspondence, we started talking about stealth issues. I knew so little about it and remember reading at an MSN group that one regular member exited the group w/o any goodbyes. The stealth concept was brought into the board and I started learning that it was a part of the expected result when arriving to the end of the transitioning process.
My friend Kay (not her real name), started talking very seriously about it. I noticed we were both taking the issue seriously and at times got emotionally involved. A natural process for me, since I was beginning to figure my own thoughts and feelings about the whole issue, regardless of how convinced whether I was going for a full transition or not. As I voiced my own soul, I learned so much about Gender Dysphoria and even more about the repercussions of transitioning.

With regards to doing such personally, I wanted to learn all of the implications as in my view, a vital core part of spiritual/psychological/emotional growth were to be forsaken in this process. However, I delved into the idea that I may possibly do the exact same, so I kept the door open, so I could figure all of the positives as well as negatives of doing so.

Kay's case was very similar to many others. Although her family "accepted" her decision to transition, they didn't know how to approach the situation. Kay felt unsupported and not welcome in her new lifestyle. Support was extremely hard to come by as well as grasp due to the lack of awareness of the processes involved successfully transitioning from someone looking in from the outside. I remember watching an airing of Oprah Winfrey when her show covered a transitioning woman as she said, “I simply cannot understand why and how you can put yourself through all of this.” She was as honest as they come and I could tell there was genuine concern in her feeling, but as well she was proud of her guest for having the courage to take what she felt was the right course.

Kay and I covered so many aspects of becoming stealth. One that caught my attention deeply was that she told me that by becoming stealth she wouldn't be in need of disclosing her past to any potential lover. She was a woman, period! That ran the alarm bells for me. I remember some of the cases in which transgender women were beaten and others killed once their partners found out their lovers past as a male. I expressed my concern about it and she got very angry with me and presented all her arguments to support her view, none of which felt valid as they would not prevent her from becoming a victim of her potential lover. In the conversation we had previous to last (in person) I was so alarmed, that my response was ringing with outrage that at some point I told her "I think you should swallow an acid (LSD) so you can see other things. Like what life is in its real essence." I didn't mean it literally, but I wanted to convey to her that I was worried for her safety and well being. The topic pretty much died there and she assumed her stealth status and slowly phased out of my life.

From my outlook, the integration of both genders, past and present provide the richest wealth we can gather to nurture our souls in this life. Putting one or the other in the closet is a criminal act that many of us have lived for so many years and we need to have in depth knowledge thereof. With regards to living stealth, I acknowledge the fact that as we progress in our transition our past history and lifestyle slowly vanishes. In my experience, the saddest of all is realizing that my male persona is going away and I dearly loved myself as a male, even if I prefer to present as a true woman. I am extremely grateful for it allowed me to learn so much, protecting and giving me the opportunity to be a first hand witness that a lot of things are much easier for males.

Many of the achievements in my life would not have been possible as a female. So letting go of my male persona has been a sad experience. Not that I can't do it or that I do not want to, it’s just simply sad to take a critical part of ones make up and figuratively place it on a shelf never to be used again.

I didn't have a problem with anything associated being a male, since I felt comfortable falling somewhere between both genders. How I felt, thought, acted, related, etc. & remembering long ago my father's wife told me "I think you're afraid of women.” Referring to my lack of ability to approach in a sexual way a woman we both knew that I was so attracted to! Every single minute I spent with her was like pure heaven. She enticed me at all levels and I couldn't make my move to become intimate and personal with her. I felt she was attracted to me as well and it would have been easy for me to take that step, however she was married and that is a moral line I would not cross. She was in a marriage that was collapsing and her husband was not a safe person. Very controlling, incredibly powerful, rich, popular, you name it. Had I became involved with her, the stakes would have been extremely high including the custody of her children. I knew as well, my chances of surviving such relationship were small under these circumstances. My female persona had enough depth to know exactly what was happening to her and what I would represent to her at such moment in her life. It would have been great, though temporary moment for us both carrying serious complications. My female feelings wouldn't allow me to succumb to all the desire I experienced with and for her! I could have gone either way, but I chose to honor my appreciation for intimacy rather than my physical call. If there was a fear towards women, it was the fear I experience due to my XG condition, not to females at all.

What does that have to do with stealth issues? The acceptance of my duality of that time allowed me to see both ends of the spectrum. My male counterpart will never be as it was ever again. I feel a deep level of nostalgia as I see my male presence fading like a sunset. The very same way I saw my female persona before I found the courage to honor it as it seemed so far away! My male is in that same place and I will honor it for as long as I live. Maybe I will not act like I did then and maybe I will not ever use the resources of my male ego again, but that male of my past is and always will be a core part of what this life of mine has been to this day. It has nothing to do with hormones, or my body shape, nor the way I look at life. It is not a physical realm as much as it is purely spiritual.

The most challenging part of a transgender life is integrating both parts of the self, to make peace with it and honor what one is within. So becoming stealth is simply starting a new chapter in life in which we live right now w/o going back to the past for whatever reason it maybe. A chapter that always existed will carry forth a part that was me, my life, my body, my spirit, my past, my learning years and I can't turn my back to the core part of myself to make things easier nor smoother. At some point or another, that hidden secret of mine may become as dangerous as I perceived in the past as one of being discovered as a XG woman. That skeleton in the closet does not lead to anything positive at any level in life and if we live with them as such, we are prone to all of the guilt and shame defeating the purpose of life.

TO BE CONTINUED.